Breaking of the Bread

As per usual, I went to the 5:30pm youth mass this sunday unaccompanied by Erik since he had to work. I really wish that he had been there, though, since I needed support, and my brother never offers any. I got there a minute late, and we sat in the same row as my friend Joe, but I don’t think he saw us. I also saw the Hanwells across the aisle, which was so apropos since it was the Ascension of Our Lord. Cass and Spencer were servers (two of my favourites), along with Joe Conway and some other boy I didn’t know. The weird thing was that Bob Burian himself was the kantor! At first I doubted it, but he was the only male up there except Dan—who was playing guitar, as always—and that boy who sometimes play drums. His voice doesn’t sound like it belongs to him at all, and I don’t really like it.

When I got to church and sat down, I started crying because I had been emotional and frustrated all day, and I had been in a fight with my mother before leaving on account of her hypocrisy and supposed moral superiority.

I was an EM again, but Dcn. McKenna was officiating it, but I don’t like it when he does because he is SO controlling, almost condescending. He expected us to know where to go, even though the priests always tell us when they hand us the cibora. Then, during Most Holy Communion, he was bustling around the church to check up on everything. At one point, he told us to start breaking the hosts in half to make sure we had enough for everyone. I didn’t start doing it right away because I found it sort of distressing, especially at the snap snap snap sound it made. Plus, even if people don’t deserve a whole host, they said the word so that they could be healed, so they should get it. I always hated getting a half-host. Plus, sometimes it didn’t separate when I snapped it, so a few people got merely a broken host. During Communion, they played “On Eagles’ Wings” coupled with “You Raise Me Up,” the latter being a song that is even popular in the secular world. (Now I wonder if its origin is religious or not.) It was more of a medley than my favourite versus, but it was beautiful nonetheless, so I wish I had been able to sing it.

At “dismissal,” or closing announcements or whatever, Fr. Lanning mentioned that the two lectors were siblings, and that Spencer and Cass were as well. Then, he added, “Spencer had the lead in the school play, Bye Bye Birdie,” and I started to cry again. Then, the closing song was “I Know that My Redeemer Lives” (not to be confused with “I Know that My Redeemer Liveth”), which I found to be so spiritually moving under the circumstances, so I cried more. I didn’t go to YOSA because I had homework and other stuff to do, and my brother didn’t go because his friend John wasn’t there. I had parked next to Joe because it was the first available spot, and so I saw him and his father on the way out. He was really surprised that I wasn’t going to YOSA, so I told him that I had work to do. His father said, “I wish I could get him to do some work,” and that made me cry even harder.

I really need to catch up on My Little White Book, but I’m about two weeks behind. I’m also going to be carrying my papal rosary tomorrow while I’m taking the AP Spanish test.