Holy Week Begins

My, what a beautiful Palm Sunday and what a glorious way to start Holy Week.

Today was my first Palm Sunday. I thought the palms were going to be more palmy, but they were more akin to strips rather than entire branches. The Mass itself was very beautiful; they sung “All Glory, Laud, and Honor.” The gospel was done theatrically where the Deacon, Priest, a Lay Reader, and the Congregation read parts of the Passion. It was very nice actually, although very long. Lurra’s mother didn’t sit with us, and after the Mass I could tell that she wanted to sit with us; I felt immense guilt, which is unusual for me. Most of the time I am apathetic toward people’s emotions. I should have taken this as an omen of sorts.

After the Mass we went to a spiritual center run by the Sisters of St. Joseph called “River’s Edge.” We went to the cafeteria and the aroma and taste of the food was overwhelming! I had turkey and dressing and spaghetti; my word, they can cook! We sat with Isabel and her husband and Fr. Rod. We were generally quiet, but Isabel is a conversationalist so she kept things alive.

After this meal we walked upstairs to hear Sister Juanita speak to us. She is a wonderful woman. Even though I cannot remember exactly what she said (other than that she was constantly praying for us, which is comforting), her presence had more of an effect than her words. The love could be felt exuding from her. Halfway through I had to pee very badly, lol. When she was done speaking (well, actually Fr. Rod stopped her. She clearly wanted to keep sharing Christ’s love with us.) Fr. Rod gave us 30 minutes to go off with our sponsors to “reflect.” Lurra and I took this opportunity to go exploring. The facilities were marvelous! Every room had comfortable furniture and at least one piece of artwork. My favorite room is this room which is called the “Contemplative Room” and is in the back on the third floor. There are three statues- one was “faith,” the other “hope,” and the other “love.”

After our thirty minutes of exploration and cookie eating and piano playing (Lurra attempted to play the piano in this seminar room; this seminar room had the most beautiful stained glass), we reassembled.

During the lunch, whats-her-name asked Isabel if we were doing confessions and Isabel turned to Fr. Rod and said “Fr. Rod, confessions (in Spanish)?”, and he replied in the affirmative. I could feel my heart palpitating immediately.

So, after we had gotten back from the exploration, we went to the room where we heard Sister Juanita speak to us. While Sister Juanita was speaking the first time, I remember she had said that the teenage generation was blessed because we were going to make great strides in ridding the earth of various bigotries and of hate. My face got really red because I don’t like being singled out. Later on in the day she hugged Lurra and me and told us how we were going to make the world better, it was so beautiful. The love in her voice was overpowering. This elderly black nun is so Christian.

But I’m digressing again. After the exploration when we went back to the room, Fr. Rod prepped us for confession. I could almost feel my heart jumping out of my chest. I did not want to confess to this man, but I found that odd; usually I have no problem sharing my sins with others because I realize that we’re all sinful creatures. I could feel that I was going to have a problem telling him, though.

We went downstairs to their chapel where the Blessed Sacrament was being housed in a tabernacle. While walking down there, Sister Juanita gave some of us a mini-tour of the various rooms; the last room she showed us was the room where we would be doing the confessions. It was like an execution room to me. The chair looked like an electric chair; I was sure that I was going to die in there.

We went into the chapel and sat and Sister Juanita pulled out three chairs, each of them facing the back of the other in a row so that we could see the back of the person in front of us. I wasn’t one of the first three. While waiting I could feel my palms clam up and I was sure that I was going to have a heart attack. When I sat down in the chair though (which was the second chair), I felt a sudden peace come over me. I cannot describe it. I prayed the Jesus prayer over and over.

The woman in front of me went up to go inside the room to confess. I moved up to her chair and the person behind me took my chair. I prayed the Jesus prayer even more now. I got up and told Sister Juanita that there was an empty chair. She referred to me as “honey.” I prayed the Jesus prayer harder still. The woman who was in the room had come out. It was now my turn. My heart was pounding. I opened the door and sat down. Healing. Peace. Forgiveness. “I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, + and of the Holy Spirit.” I shook his hand and left.

I walked back to the chapel and sat next to Laura, but I was on the verge of tears and didn’t want her to see, yet I am almost sure that she did. My nose was running and I didn’t have a tissue. I whispered to her that I didn’t like it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I loved it. I regret having said that. Among other things, the hymn “I heard the voice of Jesus say” to the tune of Kingsfold was stuck in my head while I was praying. I kept silence for the most part, mainly because I felt that if I spoke a word that I was going to start crying and embarrass Laura and put her into a compromising situation; but I also wanted to hear the Lord speak to me.

After about ten minutes of praying, Isabel came and told some of us that we could go back to the room. Laura and I and Bob and his wife went back as did Isabel’s husband. In the room, I mainly sat in silence as I was still contemplating the Sacrament I had just received. I had to go to the bathroom though to take care of my running nose, lol. When I came back, I was essentially composed. I wanted to go exploring again with Lurra; she was hesitant and I said, “We’ll be back in 10 minutes,” but as I stood up, Fr. Rod and the others came into the room, so there went that plan.

Sister Juanita gave us some final thoughts and she called Isabel, me and Lurra (”the young ones”) and someone else (if I recall, Isabel’s husband, maybe). We were supposed to go around and give people various sacramentals (I had ash and Lurra had Holy Oil). We weren’t really sure what to do with our first couple of people. Lurra had put so much oil on the hands of the first person; I still laugh about it now. The woman held her hands up and said, “What am I to do with this?!” Later we both figured out how to dispense of the sacramentals on just the tip of the forefinger. The oil and ash smelled so good together.

We received gift bags as well. One gift that was in the bag which was given to me was a rosary, and the beads of the rosary contain small images of the Image of the Divine Mercy. This strikes me as divine providence, because just yesterday I was thinking of how the Image of the Divine Mercy is my favorite image of our Lord. I still cannot understand the impact of this. Maybe it was a coincidence, or maybe it really was divine providence. Either way, I love the rosary. I also received a San Damiano cross, a paperweight that says “The Lord is my Rock,” and a booklet on the fundamentals of the Catholic faith (which I find ironic because I just went through RCIA and thus now know the fundamentals).

The retreat was over and I was spiritually fulfilled. I never would have been so fulfilled at my old church (the primitive Protestantism). I loved it.

On our way home, Laura hit several large potholes. Every time she comes out of Mercedez Dr, someone else is always pulling into it, which I find odd.

I was only home for about 20 minutes. I called my grandmother in Virginia during this time; she commented on the “false doctrine” of the other Church of Christ congregations. It was funny- she told me that my cousins are in an a capella choir that is arranged by a Church of Christ organization. She said that sometimes this choir goes off at congregations and sings and I thought to myself, “Gasp! I hope not during worship!” It is amazing how these thoughts still linger, even after I had renounced that line of thinking. I was amazed at myself.

I decided to go to Mass again, even thought I don’t like YOSA Masses all that well. There were a lot of people there, which made me happy. My friend Shelly was there, and strangely enough, this was her first Mass, so she was glad to have spotted me. Fr. Lanning was the celebrant, and he used the Holy Scoop. Tonight was the first time I held Laura’s hand during the Our Father. I remember holding it once before a long time ago. As of late I hadn’t been raising my hands or anything. It was a pretty nice Mass, and Lurra was an extraordinary minister. She thought that she had made a mistake by going up because there was one too many and she thought she was the odd one out; luckily, she was wrong.

There was a YOSA meeting afterwards, and I actually liked this meeting. We revered a cross, and then we did a mini-Easter Vigil where they (”they” meaning Fr. Rod and Brenda and Amy) turned the lights out, and Fr. Rod lit the Pascal Candle, and then we all held our own candles and prayed.

After the YOSA meeting, Lurra took me home. This was my Palm Sunday. Thank you, Deb, for covering my shift at work.